Whether you're walking through an illness right now or maybe lying awake at night wondering, what if I need my adult child and they won't be here, then this message is for you. You know, the pain of that reality or even the possibility of it can feel crushing. And when our health is fragile, for whatever reason, our heart's long for comfort, right? For presence, for the reassurance that the people we love the most, they'll stand by us. And when that doesn't happen. It really feels like abandonment, but I want you to hear me clearly today. You are not truly abandoned. God has not left you even in the silence. Even when your child keeps their distance, he promises to be near to the broken hearted. And moms that is you. That is you brokenhearted, but there's always ways for you to walk through this storm. You can do it with strength and [00:01:00] peace. So whether you're in the middle of it right now or you're preparing your heart for what might come in the future, which I do not recommend you doing, we're gonna talk about this today. So let's dive in. First off, I think we need to acknowledge the pain without shame. You know, it's okay to admit that this hurts on a deep, deep level. Illness makes us long for that comfort and presence, like I said. And when our child doesn't show up, it feels like rejection all over again. And many moms immediately will blame themselves like, what did I do wrong? Why am I not worthy showing up for? But acknowledging the pain doesn't mean you're weak or even at fault. It means you're human. And the, so the first step is realizing that this is grief. And when you can name it and you realize that's what it is, it won't eat away at you. Secondly is looking at the why. You know, we can't [00:02:00] take on all the blame for this, and sometimes adult children stay away outta fear. Sometimes they stay away out of unresolved conflict or even guilt. They don't know how to face. I'm not excusing their actions or their absence, but it might help you to see that this is not always about your worth as a mom. And there's so many layers as you can imagine that we might not ever really understand. But what you can do is release the need to own a hundred percent of the blame, because that shift alone will give you strength and freedom. You know, I've dealt with a lot of situations with different moms who have either received a cancer diagnosis or they're. Immune autoimmune,~ um,~ diseases have just like gone crazy, um, due to all the stress that they're under. And I want you to know, I've also seen several come out the other [00:03:00] side and they're stronger than they were before. So you have to choose. Your will has to be stronger. You have to choose that whether your son or daughter is there or not. You can still choose you. And so if this is hitting close to home, I don't want you to keep carrying all this alone. And so I do offer discovery calls where we can hear more about the situation and I can share with you the kind of support that will bring you some clarity and strength and peace no matter what your child chooses right now. So if you're interested in the, a confidential call, it is not a coaching call, but I would love to chat with you and that link is below in the show notes. Number three is focus on what you can control, right? We always say that. What does that really mean? But you know, you may not be able to control their choices, as you know, but you can control how you respond and care for yourself, and you can choose to ask for what you need without guilt tripping. So for those of you that are in [00:04:00] communication with your kids, right, we can still ask for what we need without guilt tripping. It's also really a time where you need to gather a support system of friends. Whether it's your church family, or other friends in your community, people who will show up for you. You need to protect your own heart by setting some realistic expectations instead of waiting on false hope or waiting on them to reach out to you. You know, it'd be very easy to sit back and go, my daughter or my son. Found out that I have this fill in the blank disease and they haven't even contacted me. And maybe they won't. I don't know if they will or not. I hope so, but I want them to contact you, not just because of that. If God uses that situation as a catalyst for change for your family, then, then so be it. That's great. But you know what? If it's not, I'd rather have them come to you. Because they're ready to mend the relationship [00:05:00] and ready to listen with an open heart. Like, just like you need to, right? As moms, that's what we need to do. Our kids need to do that too. But we're the mom and I believe we should go first. You know, all these steps don't erase the pain, but we have to protect your peace. And lastly, number four is anchoring yourself in hope. We have to go beyond their choices no matter what it is. And when they don't visit, it may feel like all hope is gone. But your life, your healing and your worth are not defined by whether or not they show up. ~God never, you know, excuse me,~ God has promised never to leave you nor forsake you. And that truth, I hope, gives you an anchor when your child's absence leaves you just in so much pain. Sometimes I think the emotional pain is harder than the physical pain. I've had both. But here's the beautiful part. Reconciliation is still [00:06:00] possible even if it's not happening today. I've seen relationships surprise everyone with healing down the road. I've experienced it myself, but even if it doesn't look exactly like you had hoped, you can still live with ~dignity.~ Dignity, purpose and peace. So if you are sick right now and you're sitting there waiting, or if you're someone who worries about the what ifs in the future, just know you're not alone, you're not abandoned, you're not powerless. We need to stop playing the victim. Some of us get there very quickly and some of us can get out of it. But if you're stuck in that, we need to work on that for yourself and the rest of your family. For your future and for your health. So we need to trust God's promises even in the hardest moments. So if this spoke to you today, again, I'd love to hear from you. Also, I'd love to hear your comments. Go ahead and leave a comment in the section comment [00:07:00] section, and just remember, you have to take care of you first. And who do you wanna become when they return? Who do you wanna become when reconciliation happens? So I hope this helps you today. I'll see you in the next episode. God bless.