00:00:00 Are you feeling pushed to your limits but scared  to push back? Very common. So let's talk about setting boundaries without losing connection.  So we need to learn how to set boundaries. And for some of you, this might be the very first  step in healing your relationship, right? If you have not become fully estranged from  your child, sometimes setting boundaries in love is exactly what you need to do. So  right now, you're probably feeling like every conversation turns into a conflict.  If you're in communication with your child,

00:00:34 we need to set these boundaries so that that  will protect you and your relationship long -term. So let's dive into a couple of these.  The first is boundaries at a distance. Sometimes we need to realize that setting  boundaries, even if you're not in communication or if there's little or no contact at  all, either way, with your adult child, it's still important to set these.  It's about defining what you are willing to accept and under what conditions you would engage  or re -engage with them. Each of your family's

00:01:13 different, your situations are different,  only you know what that feels like. So some of you have written a letter or an  email to communicate these at some point, and I'm not saying that that's the answer,  not always the answer, especially up in the beginning. But what I do know is that when  you initiate boundaries, even from a distance, even when you're doing it for yourself,  you're doing it for your own mental health, you're doing it for your own physical health,  and whatever's going on in your family,

00:01:45 some lines in the sand sometimes need to be  drawn, right? Even if it's just internally what you know to be true. Okay, number two is  self -care and emotional boundaries. And that is because we... You really need to understand  the need for emotional boundaries because that is going to protect your mental health.  And that is the one and only purpose for this boundary, right? Self -care is a huge piece  of it, but we call it an emotional boundary because it's going to help you emotionally.  And the purpose of it is really to lead to

00:02:20 personal empowerment for yourself and even  more importantly, self -respect. So maybe you have a son or daughter that is being  extremely disrespectful. And you're just not sure how to navigate it. You know, I can't promise  how they're going to respond to your boundaries, but when you create these, you need to know  that you're doing them in love and then their response is not your responsibility.  So the self -respect or therefore lack of self -respect is what's happening to  many of you. And that's why you feel

00:02:54 so defeated and you feel like you have no self  -respect because you're allowing this. you're allowing it just because it's your adult  child. So, you know, therefore, like I always say, you're teaching them how to treat you just like  anyone else in your world. So we forget that sometimes when it's our own child.  So taking care of you is also very, very important. For those of you that  I have not talked with before and you have been on this journey, you've tried other  things, you're trying to navigate, or maybe

00:03:25 you're going to be the mom that starts out and  reaches out for help prior to being estranged, where you're still navigating some of this.  If you're open and you're wanting to learn more about coaching, I'd love to talk with you.  This is a consultation. It's not a coaching call. It's not a call just for advice.  It's a consultation. I get to learn more about what you're going through.  I get to share with you about my program and we can decide together what that looks  like. Number three is recognizing the need.

00:03:56 Recognizing the need of the boundaries. Some of  you are being manipulated, disrespected. You're stressed out over the relationship  and you need to recognize that, wow, I need to create this boundary. Some of you  are just at that point where there should be boundaries in any healthy relationship  and you're finally realizing that. You're learning that. But especially with our  kids. And you know why? Is because our roles have shifted. They're adults now. It's a level  playing field. You're not their keeper, right?

00:04:27 Some of your kids are wanting you to be their  keeper, but that's not your responsibility. And that's where a lot of this defiance  comes in because they're expecting you to continue to do what you've always done  for them. And maybe they've realized or hopefully you've realized by now that  maybe you've done too much for them. But guess what? We can't go backwards and that's  okay. But this will help you recognize the need for the boundary. And that's the whole goal  here. And number four is how to communicate

00:04:56 with them. So when you communicate these  boundaries to your adult child. You need to use I statements. Don't blame, don't  criticize. You just need to be clear and concise and specific about what it is that is acceptable  and what is not. So they know what they're dealing with, just like you deserve the same.  And that's the biggest piece here because if you are not ready to follow through with consequences,  then don't set the boundary. If the consequences are not followed through and they're not  respected, then don't bother setting a boundary

00:05:29 if you're not willing to follow through.  I know that can be hard. We're gonna talk more about that in the upcoming videos because  this topic overall boundaries is extremely important and relevant to so many of you.  And I've been talking to a lot of you lately, bringing this specific subject up a lot.  So I will see you in the next video. God bless.