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I remember asking my daughter during our estrangement, “Why don’t you love me?”—thinking that if she did, she’d be here, talking to me. That question didn’t bring us closer—it built more walls. If you’ve ever felt that same ache, that desperate wondering in the silence, I want to gently walk you through what I’ve learned. You, mama, have one job: to take care of you first. Because when you're grounded and well, you'll have the strength to hold space for them, even when they're far away.
I know how confusing it feels when your child pulls away. We want presence to be the proof of love, but the truth is—love can still exist even in silence. Their decision to step back may not be about rejecting you—it could be about their own hurt, overwhelm, or need for space. I had to learn that her distance wasn’t about me not being lovable. It was about her needing to breathe and figure out her life.
Sometimes, emotional distance is the only way they know how to cope. And honestly? Many of our children aren’t really processing things while they’re gone—they’re avoiding them. That’s hard to accept, but it’s their responsibility. Not ours. We can’t force them to do the work. We can only choose to do our own.
And I get it—you’ve sent texts. You've tried reaching out. And when nothing comes back, you wonder: Do they even care? I’ve felt that, too. But immediate validation isn’t proof of love. Sometimes they’re just not ready. That doesn’t mean your love didn’t matter or that theirs disappeared. It means they're still on the journey, and unfortunately, it’s one we can’t rush.
The hardest lesson I learned was to stop asking, "Why don’t you love me?" and start living in a way that showed I could love without pressure
KEYPOINTS FROM THIS EPISODE
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Silence doesn’t always mean there’s no love.
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Emotional distance can be a form of coping, not rejection.
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Love isn’t always validated right away—sometimes it’s hidden in growth.
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Keeping the door open (without pressure) matters more than we realize.
QUOTABLE MOMENTS
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“I used to ask my daughter, 'Why don’t you love me?'—and it only pushed her further away.”
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“Their silence might be about their pain, not a lack of love.”
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“You gave birth to them, but their growth is their journey now.”
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“Keep the porch light on. They need to know the way back when they’re ready.”
TRANSCRIPT OF THIS EPISODE
[00:00:00]
Have you ever wondered if you're a strange child loves you? The silence can be deafening, but love doesn't always look the way we expect, right? We expect presence, which is ideal, of course, but that's the number one question I used to probe my daughter when she was estranged from us why don't you love me?
And all it did was push her further away. And so I want to share with you some tips for that. And I just want you to know that you as a mom have one job, and that is to take care of you first. So let's dive in. Number one, love can exist even in silence. I know that you are heartbroken and you are sad and you are confused about why your adult child may be not speaking to you or at least not even speaking to you on the terms that you used to talk, but their choice to pull away may very well be more about their own struggles, not a lack of love,
They're so consumed with their own life right now and if there's pain or hurt in there. [00:01:00] That's where the need for space comes in. this is not always about a lack of love. Number two is I want you to understand the emotional distance because their estrangement might be a way to process pain, not a rejection of you as a person.
And the thing is many of our adult children. Um, that I have seen is they walk away, but they're not really processing anything. And so time is going by and we know it's valuable but they might be struggling with expressing love due to their own unresolved issues or life pressures. And so the problem comes in when they are idle and ignoring the situation because it's easier.
Okay, so they have to reflect back on their own internal battle. And that is on them that there's not absolutely nothing you can do about that. Absolutely nothing. But if you are a mom ready to take the next step and you have tried other things and you're still struggling and looking for coaching, and [00:02:00] you want to hear more about my group coaching, my one on one coaching package, all of those things, I want you to book a discovery call we're going to focus on, figuring out exactly what you need for your journey.
But then I can share how my coaching can provide that support you deserve as a mom these are moms ready to prioritize. if we have not talked before, feel free to book that call. it will be in the pin comment as well as in the description below. So number three is letting go of immediate validation.
For some of you who have reached out to your son or daughter, you may not see the response. You may not see the evidence of love. You know, right now, but doesn't mean it's gone. And so that is such a hard concept. trust me, I was there right along with you. I didn't understand it. And it still doesn't make complete sense.
But you know what? We're all on our own journey. And you gave birth or you adopted these children, but their own self care and their own personal growth is outward [00:03:00] signs for them. These are the things that they have to be doing. their silence may be temporary as they work through their own stuff. And we know that, right?
So number four is important because I want you to remember that you need to keep that door open. Or as some of my clients will say, keep that porch light on. That is so important because we need to show consistent non intrusive gestures of love. Not like what I did. Why don't you love me? What did I do?
All of these things that is putting pressure and pushing them away further. Pressuring them for a response and not respecting their need for space is not the answer. And I know, I don't want this to be many years go by where you're still sitting here going, okay, I haven't even reached out.
I haven't text. That's not the case. But when your adult child gives you an absolute I need six months. I need a year. the reason they're saying that there's so many reasons why they could be saying that, but at the end of the day, this is their choice to have a relationship with us, even though we're mom, right?
But it's their choice to have [00:04:00] relationship with family members. I just want you to remember that. And I want you to know that you are not alone in this and this, conversation will definitely continue. So please leave your, comments I'd love to hear from you in regards to what you've been experiencing.
I hope to talk to you soon. God bless.
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