[00:00:00] Have you ever been blindsided by how your adult child speaks to you? One minute you could just be talking and the next you feel like you've been hit with this huge wave of disrespect. If that is you, I want you to know two things. Number one, you are not crazy. Number two, you're not alone. And in this video we're gonna talk about how to handle those moments without letting them steal your peace.

Now, some of you are. Thinking back to a moment in time where this might have happened with your son or daughter, and maybe it was a catalyst for them walking away or estrangement. And then again, there's some of you listening to this today that are thinking, yeah, I'm in this day to day emotional rollercoaster on how they're speaking to me and the disrespect and what is going on with them.

no matter what camp you are in I believe this video can help you. So let's dive [00:01:00] in.

I have four points for you today. Number one is I want you to respond with calm, not chaos. We can get, to the point where we match their energy. We can do that with anyone if we're really passionate about something. And when it comes to your child, you are so enamored and you love your kids.

sometimes we don't respond the best way. Guess what? You're human. it is gonna happen, but I want you to be mindful of it. when disrespect shows up from them, I want you to stay calm. I want your response to reflect your values, not their mood, remember that we have to let this reflect you.

Not just the situation, their mood or maybe the past conversation you guys had a few days ago that didn't end well, right? this is a chance for you to reflect on you. So I want you to breathe and pause and maybe you're gonna say something like, you know what, I wanna [00:02:00] talk, but I cannot talk to you when I'm being spoken to like that.

And so you are allowed to walk away. Until it's safe and respectful to continue the conversation. some of you moms that might be watching this, and let's just be honest some of you may be the one that was being disrespectful. if these things happen, I want you to know that if that is you, I want you to start incorporating these as much as possible.

I always tell my clients, Even if you don't have the opportunity to do it right now, so let's say you are estranged or you have very minimal conversation with them, or they're not wanting to talk. Practice on someone else. Use these skills, these tools that you learn to talk with your husband, to talk with your friends, your other kids, whoever is in your world.

when we talk about you staying calm, I want you to know that calm does not mean weak. It means in control. And when I say in control, I'm not saying you're in control of your child. I'm [00:03:00] saying you can maintain control of that conversation, the situation, which is going to only help in the long term, right?

If we can maintain control of the situation. The conversation. Let's do that because we wanna keep it as positive as possible. calm does not mean weak. Number two, you need to set the standard without shame. I believe we as moms need to set the standard do we have some work on ourselves to do, to be able to get to that point?

Forgiveness. self-responsibility. Yeah, We do. And I'm all about that. I truly believe that it starts with us and we need to set the example as much as possible, and work on ourselves until they come back. boundaries, or what I call setting the standard will protect your peace.

So maybe that's. navigating how often you're gonna pick up that phone, or how you're gonna reply to that text. at some point you may need to say, if this tone continues, I'll need to step [00:04:00] away for a little bit. I love you, but we just wanna be respectful and be clear because you know what?

your kids are also navigating this big bad world just like we are. They're not perfect. You're not perfect. We all have things We could apologize for conversations we've had where we've been negative. Never that you always necessarily wanted to hurt that other person.

But we've all done it. if you haven't, please email me. I wanna hear from you. I have never met anyone. we don't have to overexplain this, we don't have to justify. It's okay to just stand tall in what you need. if you're modeling this, we're modeling what a healthy relationship looks like.

if this is resonating with you and you are a mom ready to do something just for you, you wanna step away from all the noise of the world and be poured into and connect with other moms who get it. I wanna personally invite you to my in-person retreat. Time is running out. We are meeting the last [00:05:00] weekend in April so I would love to have you join us.

It is a weekend of healing, laughter, clarity, and breakthrough. And whether you're feeling stuck or exhausted, or maybe you just need some peace, then this retreat is for you. You do not have to go through this alone. Going through this alone in this day and age is a choice, and so I hope that you choose to walk alongside, whether it be me or someone else, you need to have community.

details are in the show notes below. Space is definitely limited here, so I hope to hear from you soon and we can get you all the information. Number three is taking space but not sides. sometimes, the healthiest choice might be to take a step back, not to punish them, but to protect your heart.

And you might say, I think we both need some space. Let's try again when things are calmer. I have a lot of clients who've become really good at this over time, and there [00:06:00] are some of you hearing that word from your sons or daughters where I need some space. They may not be saying, I think we both need some space, but that is something that you could say.

That way you're not blaming, you're not punishing them, you're protecting yourself. So when you give space to any relationship, it gives everyone a chance to reflect and not react because we want to definitely do that. We do not want to react, we wanna respond. And if you have that choice or the opportunity and chance to reflect as well.

You're going to come back a lot stronger because stepping away can be a sign of wisdom, not weakness. I hope this encourages you to not look at all of this as weakness. If you do need to step away andsometimes our kids need to step away, but I want you to remember something. So many times when our kids walk away, they may be upset with you.

mad at you for something or they might be blaming you. at the end of the day, it could be something that they need [00:07:00] to work through in their own heart and maybe they need to step away to just gain some clarity and reevaluate their life a little bit. 

Now I'm hoping that, while they're doing that, they're getting some good wisdom from, someone who's going to put stock in reconciling your family and not trying to pull it apart. But we don't have control over who they're talking to and where they're getting their wisdom from.

you were never meant to carry this pain alone. So number four is finding strength and support. You have to find strength in support. You can find strength on your own. It's gonna be a lot harder. And so I want you to lean into community, whether that is a support group such as mine, or a really good friend who's gone through this, somebody who's walked the path.

Because we need someone in your life that can empathize with you, that truly can give you the support that you need, and guidance and wisdom. So we all know talking helps you see the situation more clearly. It can release the pressure of feeling [00:08:00] alone because at the end of the day, this pressure builds up inside of us and then we explode and get angry because we don't know how to handle it.

This is not something we were taught. How do you handle estrangement? How do you handle a disrespectful adult child? We're not talking a teenager here that we're trying to navigate, you know, the ins and outs of, pre-teen and teens and all the, issues that come along with that.

Like, that's a whole nother category. But this is, these are our kids that more than likely are not living under a roof anymore. And I do know how deeply this can hurt, and I also know it's confusing. it can feel like the child that you love so much, seems to have no problem speaking to you with disrespect.

But I want you to know that you have to take the step to protect your own peace, Like we talked about, speak up with calm, keep the calmness, set the standard, and choose strength. Because you're choosing healing, then that means you're [00:09:00] choosing you. You have to start with yourself, so you're doing better than you think.

I've spoken to so many moms lately that are not giving themselves the credit that they are navigating this. So whether they're watching my videos or someone else's, they're getting some wisdom. And taking the steps to take care of themselves.

And I'm so proud of you and I want you to know, in case nobody else has told you that lately. if this video gave you some clarity, this podcast, if this gave you some comfort, I would appreciate it. If you would like it, share it, share it with another mom who might need this message today.

So we're all struggling in some way, and let's just be the light, and I hope this helps. I'll see you in the next episode. God bless.