[00:00:00] Have you ever stared at your phone with your heart pounding after getting a message from your adult child for the first time in a long time and suddenly your fingers are moving, your emotions are spilling out, and before you realize it, you hit send before you even realize what you wrote. Then the regret sets in.

Then you start overthinking, and you might even be thinking, I shouldn't have said that, but the pain of wanting this so badly. You wanting to fix this, knowing you may have made it worse. If that is you, you are not alone. And today I wanna help you shift that pattern, not with shame, but with grace. So let's dive in.

I have four points for you today. the first is, let's talk about what it means to react versus to respond. So we've all done both, right? Reacting comes from emotion. So if you can remember [00:01:00] that reacting comes from emotion. It's that split second reply you send when your heart feels bruised, maybe you feel misunderstood or desperate to explain.

You know, it's raw and often it's regret filled. Responding though is rooted in calm, and it gives your heart time to settle so your wisdom can catch up. you still honor what you're feeling, but instead of spilling it onto someone else, give yourself some space to filter it through Grace.

Now, the shift from reaction to response is not about being perfect. it's more about becoming intentional because how you show up matters. Even a text message, which may seem frivolous, can make a big difference in your communication with your child.

number two is why reacting can keep you stuck. Let's face it, it is so natural to wanna fix the story or defend yourself, especially if your child says something that feels untrue or [00:02:00] hurtful. your instinct might be to explain or correct them immediately. How many of you do that? I think we've all done it.

But here's the problem. When you're reacting out of pain, usually keeps the cycle going. So when we're reacting out of pain, we're gonna keep that negative cycle going. You may come across as trying to guilt them, trying to change their mind or justify yourself. And while your heart may be in the right place, they might see it as pressure and then they may shut down even more.

So I wanna say this. Really gently to be honest, because even when your pain is valid, your reaction to them can unintentionally build a wall. But responding when you're calm can build a bridge. So if you can remember that your pain is valid, We don't wanna build a wall up, we wanna tear that wall down and build a bridge.

So if this is resonating with you and you [00:03:00] are tired of feeling like every conversation is a minefield, I want to invite you to something deeper. I offer a 30 minute discovery call for moms who are navigating estrangement or struggling to communicate with their adult children. We're gonna talk about where you're currently at, where you wanna be, and what is the plan to get there?

So if that is you, just remember, this is not a coaching session. It is an opportunity for me to get clarity on your situation. There's no pressure, no judgment, just you and me finding that next best step together. So if you're interested in that, you can click the link for my discovery call below in the show notes.

remember, you do not have to do this alone.

Number three, the power of the Pause. This is a game changer. We talk about this all the time, the pause, something we all could improve [00:04:00] upon. You know, even most recently, I just wanna share with you,If you've heard of Jefferson Fisher, strongly recommend following him in regards to communication techniques, I love how he says your first word should be a breath.

That is a pause, right? rather than reacting, if your first response is a breath, it centers you When you get that gut punch message, the most powerful thing you can do is not respond right away. Give yourself 24 hours unless it's urgent.

go take a walk, write in your journal, go pray.

talk to a trusted friend. Let your emotions settle a little bit, and ask yourself, what am I really feeling right now? ask yourself that question versus telling your adult child on the other end of the phone or of the text message, What am I really feeling right now?

And the message that I'm about to send is either going to move things forward or it's gonna [00:05:00] move things backwards. Right? You could even type out a message in your notes section or on paper, but don't send it immediately. Just that alone can help you move from venting to wisdom when you actually go back and look at what you were going to send, but then in reality, you wait, you pause.

There's so much wisdom in that. And lastly, number four is how to respond with strength. You know, responding with strength and grace. When you do decide to respond, aim for three things, clarity, boundaries, and grace. clarity is going to get you to the point without defensiveness or overexplaining.

Be clear, be simple. We don't need tons of words in our response. Boundaries mean you don't take responsibility for things that are not yours. If your child said something like, that felt like maybe they were rewriting the whole past, it's okay to say, [00:06:00] I respect. That's how you experienced it. even if it feels different from my memory, right?

I hear this a lot. A lot of your kids are creating memories, but that's their perception. Whatever it is or however it got there, that is their truth and their perception, and we can't say that it's wrong because they can't really say that yours is wrong either. So just remember, give yourself some grace here.

Grace is about being kind even when they're not, and it's not weakness. Grace is not weakness. It's strength under control, and God-given, thank goodness we all need it. sometimes grace might look like walking away from that conversation, or it might mean not replying at all. sometimes it's saying, you know what, I'm here when you're ready to talk with respect.

So I hope these tips helps you today. You know, reacting versus responding is becomes a skill, but it's a part of communication that is so [00:07:00] important. I look forward to hearing from you all in the comment section. I wanna hear how this has affecting you.

And if you feel Led, go ahead and share this video, share this podcast with someone, another mom who needs this. Alright, take care. God bless. I'll see you in the next episode.