00:00:01 You poured your heart into raising  your kids. I know you sacrificed, you prayed, you loved with everything you had, and now you're facing this distance with them.  And quite honestly, it feels like sometimes that effort you did somehow disappeared. But  what if the very thing you're holding onto, which is the parenting mindset, is the thing  that's quietly keeping the gap between you two. today I wanna invite you to see this  from a different lens. Letting go of the role of a parent doesn't mean  letting go of your love. It means

00:00:39 creating a space for healing for you and  them. Today I have four points on this, and this is going to shift your  mindset, at least I hope it does. So please listen and take notes because I really  believe that a lot of you. are dealing with this mindset that just needs that shift, that one  degree shift. [00:01:00] So let's dive in. Number one, understanding the shift. So this shift  from parenting to supporting, right? So when your child was young, what does parenting mean? We all  know what it means. It means stepping in. It means

00:01:22 protecting them. guiding them. That was our job to  mold them, shape them correct them, and lead them. However, as they grow and become an adult,  their needs shift dramatically. Even if it doesn't feel that way to your heart, they no  longer need correction. They need respect. Now, don't get me wrong, I know a lot of you are  dealing with a lot of disrespect. That's not what I'm referring to here. I'm referring to  the parenting shift and how you are parenting, and so just remember that supporting  them means offering love without control.

00:01:59 I know [00:02:00] how hard it is because  it was our job to control the situations around them, keeping them safe, and some of us,  including myself, forgot to make that shift. If I could do it all over again,  I would've made a bigger shift when they were in their teens. Keep  still keeping them safe. It's still my responsibility to know what they're  doing, who they're with and all of that. But we need to offer love without control.  If my kids are gonna make mistakes, I wanted to be under my roof. So you can  still course correct and help them through it.

00:02:36 So what does this mean for you now  with an adult child? offering love without control. It means being  available without being intrusive. You know, offering wisdom  only when it's asked for, which I know is hard for a lot of you. It was  for me too, but it's a shift. It's going from leading to walking beside them as they allow. A  [00:03:00] lot of you are thinking to yourself, I don't even have that opportunity. No,  you don't. Not right now, but you will. You will, and you need to be prepared for what  that's gonna look like. I'm not gonna lie,

00:03:12 it feels unnatural at first. It's one of the most  powerful acts of love that you can offer your adult son or daughter, and they will see a shift  in you. I promise you, when they are ready to receive and ready to come back into a relationship  with you, they are going to see a difference. I see it over and over again. And if I could  add, and you could ask my kids this question, I ask them, if they call me and they're,  venting about something, I stop them and say, okay, am I supposed to just listen or did  you want advice? depending on the kid,

00:03:48 and the circumstance, most often they  say, well, of course I want your advice, but you know what, there's times  where they just need to vent to. Number two is how continuing to  [00:04:00] parent can fuel estrangement. when we unknowingly continue to  parent giving unsolicited advice, trying to fix their problems, questioning  their decisions, even if we don't agree. We may be sending this message to them that  they're not capable of doing it on their own. to a young adult, maybe you have a, a, a young  adult, 18, 19 in their twenties, they're fighting

00:04:24 for their independence, right? Even a well-meaning  comment can feel like suffocation to them. And the truth is, if your child already feels wounded or  pressured by you in Some aspect or misunderstood. Each attempt to parent them will feel like  another reminder that you don't trust them and that's painful to their heart and to  yours because you're seeing some of the repercussions from this. Instead, what  if you chose to be that soft place to land? Not a guide to follow, but what if your  love spoke louder than your advice?[00:05:00]

00:05:00 That's good. What if your love spoke louder than  your advice? So if this is stirring something in your heart and you're realizing, you  know what? I've been trying so hard, but I feel stuck. I would love to invite  you to a discovery call with me. on this call we're gonna take a look at where you are  right now, where you feel stuck, and how I can help you into this healing and peace and strength  because you don't have to figure this out alone. And there is a path forward that doesn't  involve more guilt and it involves more

00:05:30 grace. So if you are interested  in this, it's not a coaching call, it's a consultation. For those of you that  are ready to take the next step into coaching, the link is in the show notes. The description  below, and I can't wait to meet you there. Let's dive into number three, letting go  without giving up. I talk about this a lot because letting go isn't like  waving that white flag of defeat. It's choosing to live with open hands instead of  [00:06:00] clenched fist. It's saying, you know what? I trust that God is not done writing our  story. I'm believing for what I can't see yet.

00:06:08 Because when you let go of trying to  manage or control the relationship, that's when you make room for love to flow in ways  you can't predict. it's about trusting that your value as a mom doesn't depend on staying in charge  like I'm the matriarch, That's not how it works. It may have worked that way in past generations, but that's not where we're at today. So we need  to change. It's about choosing faith over fear, hope over hurt. And lastly, number four is I  want you to turn the focus back to you. Some of

00:06:44 you are not ready to do this,if that is you and  you're not ready to do that, you hold onto that discovery call link for when you are ready  because that's what this is gonna require. Because for so long your life has revolved.  Around [00:07:00] nurturing someone else, your kids, maybe your husband, but now it's  time to parent yourself. It's time to ask, what do I need? What brings me peace? when  you stop parenting your adult son or daughter, you can start nurturing your own soul. This is where we rediscover what we  love. What are our hobbies? What do

00:07:21 I even like? What brings me joy?  do I have really good friendships, passions? Also your spiritual growth. All this  stuff has been buried for you because caregiving, even an adult child has consumed you  and that's not your role anymore. So focusing on your own healing is not selfish, my friends. It is survival, and it just  might be the catalyst for all the growth, yours and theirs that God has planned next. I'm  believing that for each and every one of you, 100%. I hope that helped you today. I will  see you in the next episode. God bless.