have you ever seen or heard of a mom and her child embracing after years separated and instead of feeling hope or happiness for them your heart sinks you are happy for them but it also feels like a punch to the gut you know if you've ever cried after scrolling past a reconciliation story online or read an article you know you're not alone today I want to talk about something that many moms silently carry and I know this because that was me as well as many of my clients and while watching others reconcile can hurt I want to talk to you about what to do with that pain i have four points for you today so let's dive right in [Music] number one is it reminds you of what you've lost right or maybe still don't have whether you are strange from your son or your daughter I know that every photo or story of reconnection well I believe you truly are happy for that person your grief is outweighing any of that happiness and so that reconnection story can cut deep for that reason it's not just a moment of someone else's joy it mirrors back to you your own loss i think that's where the pain comes in and I want you to know that I do not believe it's jealousy this is grief the kind that doesn't always come with a funeral but still leaves you mourning in that grief it's easy to ask yourself "What did I do wrong?" But you have to remember that someone else's reunion doesn't mean you failed your situation has no hope anymore that's not what it means your story their story is still being written so I don't want you to think you missed your moment because someone else has some joy you're just simply not on the same chapter yet never compare yourself to someone else's chapter number two is comparison you know it's almost like emotional whiplash right you feel hopeful one minute and then you're devastated the next and that's the roller coaster of the comparison trap and I don't want you stuck in that talk a lot about social media my last video talked about it but I want you to know that especially in the healing journeys if you're seeing it online you're seeing the end result you're seeing the miracle moment of someone else's journey what you're not seeing in that photo or article is the years of pain the counseling the coaching the distance the family arguments the tears so while you feel triggered I want you to pause and really turn that comparison into curiosity what can I learn from this what do I need right now to care for my heart and if you're tired of walking this alone I want to invite you to take the next step in your own healing i have a discovery call it is not a coaching call it is a consultation so spots are limited please do sign up when you're serious about prioritizing your own well-being and you and I get to have a conversation about what's going on how it's affecting you and I can let you know how I might be able to help you number three is you start blaming yourself okay so we all know we do that right but that's a trap and you might be thinking when you see these other moms reconcile why can't I fix this what's wrong with me this isn't just sadness it's the self-lame that kind of sneaks in through the back door healing is never one-sided it takes two willing people to rebuild trust communication and connection any relationship takes two people if it's one-sided and they're not ready yet or if your adult child isn't emotionally safe at this time they're not ready or willing it's not a reflection of you you are allowed to be healing even if they're not so you need to stay focused on your part of the journey because you can't control theirs lastly number four is guarding your heart online like I mentioned earlier you know I want you to really really consider this i don't think people realize the detriment of how online can really affect people i think it affects all of us to some extent but when you're in a bad place that's the last place you should be going right you scroll into some miracle moment without warning someone else's miracle moment and then you start spiraling and you're home alone you're sitting there on your phone you may or may not even know these people you know nothing about their journey but everything looks perfect now doesn't it this doesn't mean you're weak it just means that you need boundaries for your own emotional health muting or unfollowing those accounts if someone doesn't bring you joy if someone doesn't lift you up if someone that you're following doesn't encourage you then you need to delete them trust me I've done a lot of that i have very few people that I follow you need to have a safe scroll list right people that lift your spirit not crush it and so just be intentional about it you know your phone should never have more power than your peace or your faith you are allowed to protect these things you are allowed to protect your heart and your healing by what you see and do and experience and so I just want to remind you that if you're watching others reconcile if it makes your chest tighten and tears fall you're not broken you're a mom with a deep well of love even if your story has not reached the healing chapter yet it is still unfolding it is still unfolding and so I just want to encourage you there is no deadline on this and there's always hope i hope this blessed you today i will see you in the next episode god bless