i have seen it too many times to doubt it anymore hearts can soften doors can open and even the most distant relationships can find their way back to healing and if you're the mom that ever whispered the words "Will they ever come back?" This message is for you you're not the only mom wondering if the silence will last forever some kids say they just need a break others go no contact with no warning which is leaving you stuck with more questions than answers but today I want to talk about what's actually possible and what you can do in the waiting that will change everything whether or not your child comes back tomorrow in a year or whenever that's going to be because I do believe in hope and faith and more importantly I believe in your healing today I have four topics for you in regards to this so let's dive right in number one is what their silence might actually mean you know we've talked about this a lot but I want you to remember that when your child goes silent I know it feels like personal rejection it feels like abandonment it feels like punishment right it is unfair of course but often silence is a sign of an internal chaos within them and so many arange adult children are often emotionally overwhelmed they're unsure how to handle a confrontation they might be afraid of vulnerability and pulling away is feeling safer than facing the pain you and I both know that's not the answer but pulling away is feeling safer than facing the pain silence does not mean never again sometimes it means I don't know how to do this right now for those of you with a strong faith always remember God is always at work even in the silence especially in the silence so while you may see nothing you may see stillness he may be stirring something deep inside your child's heart seeds are being planted not necessarily from you but from others and you need to trust that the unseen is just as sacred as the seen right number two why it's not always about you so some of you are going to understand what I'm talking about when I say this but so many moms jump to self-lame what did I do wrong there has to be something and not to say that there's nothing right not to say that we didn't do anything but the result of having them walk away doesn't always mean it was about you sometimes they walk away because of their own failures because they have unresolved pain whether it's a mental health issue identity struggles or pressure from outside voices your child may be protecting themselves from something internal not external they might be protecting themselves from themselves not you but even so that doesn't erase your pain right it doesn't make it easier to be cut off it doesn't make the pain go away but it gives you permission to stop carrying the full weight of what went wrong you know you can be loved without condition you need to love without condition unconditional love of course we love our kids but you can have love and wisdom at the same time you can let go of guilt and still trust in the healing all at the same time if this is hitting home for you and you're ready to stop walking through this alone I invite you to book a discovery call with me you know spas are limited so please sign up when you are serious about managing this and prioritizing yourself because that is what needs to happen to get you through this period of time regardless of how long it is when you're ready the link to the discovery call is in the show notes number three is what really makes reconciliation possible you know what i can promise you it's not chasing them it's normal to want to fix it texting overexplaining apologizing a million times trying to repair the damage but reconciliation doesn't usually come from chasing it comes from peace it comes from having a posture of peace you know in my coaching group I've seen so many moms change their lives not by doing more in regards to their kids but standing in this new posture one of the moms said to me recently "I'll be here when they're ready." And so she prepared that place she prepared herself her health and a few months later her daughter came back with an open heart now does it always work that way within just a few months no but I just want to tell you what's possible you know another mom started focusing on her self-care joined one-on-one coaching and really started beginning to heal pretty deeply her son told her "You sound different now and that's why I feel safe to call that's why these conversations are going better you sound different now." In that case maybe she was putting less pressure on him right maybe this is you know this was a mom navigating the ins and outs of the current relationship wasn't fully estranged and as I know all of you are not but God does honor surrender and we've talked about this a lot and I will continue to talk about it because it's so important he's not asking you to fix your child he's inviting you to trust him with your child so being emotionally steady being physically healthy navigating your other relationships not reacting to anything in panic right rather let's focus on the peace and create the safe space so when they do come back it's not a guilt trap that's the last thing you want it to be and you get to grow while you wait and I know this is nothing any of us would have signed up for but you will grow while you wait if you do the work I promise you you will and God is not a respector of persons if he did it for me and for the other moms that I work with I've walked with so many moms who have navigated this and come back together with their kids he can absolutely do it for you and lastly number four is will they come back there's no way for me to know when your adult child will return what that's going to look like some do after a few weeks some take years and some may not return in the same way as you had hoped but here's the deeper truth you do not have to wait for their return to start returning to you your healing your peace and your life are not on pause they cannot be paused they need to be going full throttle ahead and I want you to ask yourself if your child walked back in tomorrow who would they find you know for those of you who know the story of the prodigal son he didn't chase his son he was ready for him when he returned having that posture of love without bitterness in a posture of readiness without control he was trusting that God was writing a story that he couldn't see when my daughter was gone I used to think of that story all the time because I want you to know this is not the end of your journey you know God's still moving behind the scenes and whether they come back this week this month this year you can still live this full life of purpose and peace i want you to stay hopeful i want you to keep healing and stay grounded in who God is because he doesn't give up he doesn't change we're the ones that change we're the ones that walk away i encourage you in that today i hope that helps and I'll see you in the next episode god bless