You thought you were doing the right thing, you thought you were keeping the peace, offering some advice, staying involved, but now you feel more distant than ever. ~And ~if your child has pulled away, there's one mistake that many moms make silently. That literally drive that wedge deeper, and it's not because you're a bad mom, it's because you're trying so hard in the wrong direction. So let's talk about what that mistake is and how to turn it around. This is going to be a powerful message, so let's dive right in. Number one is fixing, instead of validating almost every mom that I speak with. Or my clients moms are trying to fix the situation. And like I always say in the beginning, when this first happens with your kids, I totally understand that you're trying to navigate ~the, and you know ~what ifs, but we're wired to [00:01:00] solve problems. As moms, we've had to do it their whole life. ~So ~your child says they're hurting or they're upset. Your first instinct is to make it better. ~Why? ~Because you love them. So maybe we're saying, you don't need to feel that way, or Here's what you should do. I have the answers. I was just trying to help. But your child, this can feel like rejection of their feelings. And so what it's showing them is that I don't trust you to feel your own feelings. I don't trust you ~to be able ~to navigate your own issues. ~So really ~what they really need, what they really want in that moment is your quiet presence. They're not looking for your advice, most of them. And if they do want it, they'll tell you. ~But ~what if you responded differently and said, wow, that must have been really painful. Just empathy. No solutions. Just empathy and love and body language, and listening and literally listening. Empathizing with them. [00:02:00] I believe that's what they really want. Number two is being defensive before being curious. We're all guilty of this. Sometimes this can be one mistake that causes a lot of harm when they say, you were never there for me, or You hurt me growing up. Your first reaction, most mom's first reaction is immediately, but that's not true. You misunderstood or you don't know everything that I went through, and all of those may be ~true, ~true statements. It does not serve the conversation with your child when they're telling you that you weren't there for me or I was hurt growing up ~or something. Not to that effect. ~It's so normal and it's so human ~right, ~but defensiveness will block your connection. We have to stop being defensive. ~So if your child's basically start over,~ if you say something like that, basically what it's doing is telling them your pain isn't valid. You're [00:03:00] good. You know what if you, rather than than doing that, what if you said, I didn't know that you felt that way. Open the door, you know? Can you tell me more? I wanna understand. I wanna see these things through your eyes. We know what we saw. We know what we felt. We don't always know what they saw and felt. And that is very challenging, isn't it? It's a very challenging thing for moms. So if this hits close to home, if you're. Nodding your head through this, like, yes, I've been defensive, ~right? ~I wanna invite you to something, ~uh, ~a discovery call with me. ~So ~it's a private call that I offer for moms only, just like you who are navigating. This time of estrangement or even just a difficult relationship with your adult child. It is not a coaching session, but it's a consultation where we can see if the type of support I provide could bring you some clarity, strength, and peace that you've been praying for. If you're interested [00:04:00] in that, there's a link below in the show notes. You can hop on~ the~ and schedule your own call, and then in October of this year, I am hosting my third Rise retreat in Florida. ~Where ~this is going to be two days of healing ~and ~teaching and support from other moms who truly get it, and my daughter will be joining us for the first time to share a powerful q and a with you moms who are present there. So you do not have to carry this pain alone. I always tell my clients, ~you know what? The day ~you do not have to spend another day by yourself. In this situation of estrangement, you have a support system if you want it. So come and see what's possible. I look forward to seeing you, hearing from you on the discovery calls as well. ~So ~I look forward to connecting. Number three is pushing for resolution ~so ~we not only get defensive, but we can push for resolution too soon. ~So ~we all want peace, right? And when that door cracks open even a little bit. Even just a little [00:05:00] bit, we wanna just rush right in there and say, ~well, ~can we just move on? ~Right? ~I said, I'm sorry. Isn't that enough? And this goes the same on the flip side, if your child were to come back and do this, I believe the same goes for them. We all want things to go back to how they were. No, I don't think we do. I don't think we do want them to go back to how they were because something was fractured, something was broken, or this wouldn't have happened. So healing doesn't move at the same speed as our pain, right? The healing is going to move when they're ready, when you're ready. And so if we push for resolution too soon, they may feel pressured to forgive or to pursue the relationship before they're actually ready. Or they may shut the door again, which is what I wanna help you avoid. So let these small steps count. Let them lead, right? Doesn't mean you never reach out, but I want you to consider that. I want you to think about, we [00:06:00] do not want this to happen again. I've talked to many moms and worked with moms who, this is the second, third time this has happened. This is not okay. This is not how you want your family to be, so there needs to be some shifts. ~So ~don't pressure, don't push for resolution before it's time. And number four is centering the relationship. When we center the relationship instead of our own healing, because so much of our life revolves around them, you're thinking about them constantly. ~You're, ~you're watching, ~you know ~what you post on social media, you're watching what you say to others. You know, you might be always on the lookout for them. Maybe you are in the same town ~and, ~and some of you are in a small town and ~you ~end up running into each other. ~And now ~how difficult is that? ~Right? ~But here's the truth. You matter. Even if they don't come back this week ~or,~ or next month, or maybe even next year, I don't know when they're coming back. The story is still unfolding, but when everything is focused on trying [00:07:00] to fix the relationship, you completely lose sight of yourself. ~You're not even a, ~you're not even on the top of the priority list. ~And ~that is where we go wrong. Because you have to focus on your own growth, your own piece, your future. If you're married, you have other children, you have friends, you have colleagues, ~you know, ~healing is gonna ripple you into everything else where you can navigate your self-worth and you can navigate your self-responsibility. And those are all the kinds of things that I work with moms on. These are detrimental to your future with the relationship with your child as well. We don't wanna get this wrong. We want to remedy whatever was broken. Forgiveness comes into play. Absolutely. And we can do that. We can do all of that. So I hope this helps you. I'll see you in the next episode. God bless.