If someone asked you, who are you when you're not being a mom? Could you answer that without hesitation? ~You know, ~if that question makes you pause, then this video is for you. And I do understand because I was there and when I went through estrangement with my daughter, I didn't have a hot clue who I was, what I liked, or even what I wanted to do with my life. Every thought, every ounce of energy revolved around her. And when that connection was gone. I was left staring at myself in the mirror basically thinking, who am I now? And if you feel that way, you're not broken. It's just time to rediscover yourself. So today I have four points for you. Let's dive right in. Number one is what I call the identity vacuum. You know when your role as mom suddenly shrinks. Whatever that looks like. Maybe it's through estrangement. Maybe for some of you it's an empty nest, or even just if your child is becoming more [00:01:00] independent, but you're left with space that feels hollow and you're not quite sure how to fill it, and it's not just quiet in the house, but it's quiet in your soul. ~And ~many moms describe it to me as feeling invisible, disoriented. Almost like you've lost your compass. Like what direction do I go now? And that's because, ~as we all know, ~for decades you've been defined by someone else's needs, justifiably so, ~right? ~That was our job in regards to keeping them safe and educated and fed and all those things. But now the identity doesn't fit that script anymore. And so I would ask you what percentage of your daily thoughts are about your adult children versus your own dreams, even your own needs, or let alone happiness. ~So ~I would love to hear from you. The comment section here. ~What is that? ~Write it down honestly and share that with me. Because awareness [00:02:00] is always the first step to shift anything. Number two is rediscovering the woman you were. Notice how I didn't say rediscovering the mom you were. 'cause before you were a mom, you were you, I was Sally. You had talents and passions and goals. Maybe for some of you it was a rough road, and that's okay, but it doesn't mean that you give up hope or you stop living, ~right?~ You need to push forward through some of these things, and for many moms, for many women, a lot of those things got put kind of labeled in a someday box. Someday I will do that, right? Maybe you love to travel ~or ~music or writing. Maybe you dreamed of starting a business. You know, maybe you're a painter, you just simply just having some adventure in your life. ~But somewhere, ~somewhere along the line, survival mode takes over and those are the parts of you that [00:03:00] collected the dust, ~the, ~the someday box, ~right? ~So those dreams are not dead, they're just dormant. They're just waiting on you, and it's never too late to continue these things. ~And ~so. ~Again, ~I would ask you, what did you love to do before motherhood that you have not done in years? You know, if money and time were not a factor, what would you try tomorrow? We always allow other things or resources, time, judgment. Of other people. We tend to allow those things to stop us from moving forward in our own life. And now more than ever, if you are going through estrangement, this time is unselfishly about you. This has to start with you. We have tons of videos out there now, how to navigate the estrangement, but this video is for you as the mom, right? So if you're listening and thinking, I don't [00:04:00] even know how to begin, or you know, what do I do next? I do offer private discovery calls for moms like you, but it's just, no, it's not a coaching session. It's a conversation to figure out what kind of support could I give you that would give you peace and clarity right now. ~And ~I offer one-on-one coaching, group coaching, et cetera, and the call gives us the opportunity to ~go ahead and ~navigate that conversation and see if it's a good fit for both of us. I also have a retreat coming up, as you know, in October, October 10 and 11 here in Ellenton, Florida, and would love to have you there. All the information on both the retreat and the discovery call are listed below. Number three is letting go of martyr motherhood. Have you ever heard that term? We tend to be a martyr because somewhere we absorb the lie that good moms should always sacrifice themselves. ~You know, ~I have a daughter who has children, and I'm a firm believer, and I'm very proud of her [00:05:00] for knowing that she's more than a mom, and she spends time alone, goes on vacation, does things to take care of herself. She loves her children to no end. But at the end of the day, ~how good of a mom, excuse me, ~how good of a mom can we be if we're not taking care of ourselves? We have to stop sacrificing ourselves completely, and we need to know that our worth is not in how much we give up, but what happens is we end up losing ourself somewhere along the line, and then you lose your joy and then you can end up in resentment or bitterness. ~Right? ~It may feel noble, may feel noble. I did everything for my kids. I was always there. ~I was always saying yes, ~I gave them everything that they needed ~or, ~or wanted, but that robs you and your other relationships. And when you pour from an empty cup, no one gets your best. Certainly not you, not even your [00:06:00] kids. ~And so ~you are allowed to pursue joy and you're allowed to protect your time and energy. And that is not selfish, my friend. It is not selfish. So what is it that you would feel guilty pursuing because you think good mother, good mothers shouldn't do that? ~Right? ~Where did that belief come from? Does it serve you or is it a story that maybe you can just lay down and put to rest? ~And ~lastly, number four is rediscovery. Having new connections. This is where the rediscovery gets exciting because you don't need to completely overhaul your life. You just need some tiny experiments. Make an inventory of 10 things that spark curiosity in you today or contentment, and if you struggle to come up with 10, that might just be your proof that you do need this. Maybe it's a pottery class, ~maybe it's a wok. ~Signing up for a local group ~of ~meeting someone new, someone that you have something in common with [00:07:00] trying something new creatively. You don't have to completely commit your whole life to it. Just try it out. Just sample it a little bit. Have some non-negotiable me time. Rebuild your social circles. Some of you need to do that. Estrangement can shrink your world and you can grow it again by pursuing ~these, these ~groups, something that you're interested in, whether it's volunteering church, communities, other online spaces where you are valued and you have something in common with other people. So when was the last time you had a conversation where you didn't mention your kids, and how did it feel? And would you like to do that more often? Just some things to get you thinking today. ~You know, ~your children's journey is theirs to walk, but yours, quite possibly, the one you've put on hold for so long is waiting for you and that's your responsibility. So this week I encourage you to pick up one small [00:08:00] step from the things that I shared with you today. Share it in the comments here so we can cheer you on and if you want deeper support. ~Ongoing. ~You can book a discovery call where we can discuss that or join us at the retreat. We would love to have you. We'll see you in the next episode. God bless.