Do you feel like you're constantly chasing after your adult child's approval? Careful with every word, maybe overthinking every text, hoping today will finally be the day that they see your worth. I know that pain because I've lived it, but here's the truth. Chasing their approval comes with some massive hidden costs that rob you. Of your peace ~and your ~confidence, and even your sense of who you are. So today I want to uncover some of these costs and help give you a way forward for those of you moms that are wanting to thrive through this estrangement period. So today I have four points for you to consider, ~and ~so let's dive right in. Number one is the emotional roller coaster. You know when your child is kind and reaches out [00:01:00] or shows some type of acceptance, like you're feeling elated,~ right? ~It's the highs and lows, ~but that's the high, ~almost like, Hey, I finally did something right. They didn't disrespect me or ~didn't ~make a rude comment, but the moment that they would draw or criticize, or ignore you or make that rude comment. That plunges you into despair. So that's that emotional rollercoaster that you as a mom need to jump off of. And so I don't have to tell you that that up and down cycle is exhausting. It is exhausting, and it keeps your nervous system in that fight or flight mode. Which is in turn producing a lot of stress and anxiety, and maybe even some physical symptoms. You know, each mom's a little bit different, but for some of you, it might be a headache, it might be a tight chest, it might be not being able to sleep, and the thing is, is approval. Look at it this way. It can almost become like a drug, especially from our kids. You crave it for ~this relief, like it's approval is ~[00:02:00] relief, but it never truly satisfies. ~So ~the cost is ~that you're, ~that your own sense of stability is entirely dependent on their unpredictable behavior. So I want you to think about that again, that's a truth. The cost of their approval is entirely dependent on their unpredictable behavior, and we can't have that, right? That is not going to help take you to the next level. The second point is losing yourself in the process. So many times our identity ~kind of ~erodes, and moms often forget who they are beyond being a parent. So every decision, you know what you say, how you respond, even how you spend your time becomes filtered through. Will they approve or when they come back, are they going to leave again? Right? You're always in this fight or flight. You're always in this worry mode. And so we can't say yes to unreasonable [00:03:00] demands, apologizing just to keep the peace. And we've talked about that before. Or even avoiding, ~you know, ~your own friendships or hobbies, other relationships because you're afraid it might upset them. You know, over time this will cost you, right? ~It, ~you will disconnect from your own values. Some of you, your faith, your purpose. You're measuring your worth by your son or daughter's reaction instead of who God says you are. And so that is exactly why I created safe spaces for moms like you. ~So the ~moms that want to step off of that rollercoaster and rediscover who you are. ~So ~I do offer private discovery calls where we can look at what kind of support. Could finally bring you clarity and strength. And if you're ready for a deeper breakthrough, my Rise retreat is coming up soon. It's a two day weekend designed to help you rebuild your confidence, faith, and joy in a community of moms navigating similar situations. Moms who truly understand. [00:04:00] And if you're tired of carrying this weight alone, I'd love to help you walk through this season because it is a season. I don't want you to believe that this is forever. So if you're interested in either of those, the links will be in the show notes. Number three is approval seeking. So what does approval seeking do? It also fuels unhealthy patterns for you as a mom. So you may step into fix problems that aren't yours, right? We want their approval, so ~therefore ~we feel like we need to help more than maybe we really need to, whether it's financially emotional or even relational 'cause like we're just trying to keep them happy. So we talked about over apologizing, saying, sorry, when you've done nothing wrong or repeatedly apologizing for past mistakes that you've already acknowledged. Walking on eggshells, ~right? ~Avoiding truth, avoiding confrontation, avoiding those hard conversations, or even avoiding [00:05:00] sharing your heart because you fear rejection. ~So ~these patterns may temporarily ease some tension for you. But ultimately they're silently reinforcing the disrespect, resentment, or further estrangement. You're just putting it off and sometimes you sacrifice your own dignity ~in the process ~and your peace, but the relationship isn't shifting. And lastly, number four is the path back to freedom. You know, you have to focus, ~uh, ~have a shift in focus because healing's really gonna begin when you stop trying to control their reaction and start living from your own values. Like, what does God say about you? Who and what do I need to thrive? So reconnecting with your own identity. Maybe you're a journaler, maybe you're a prayer. ~Prayer ~prayer's always gonna help, but you need to rediscover your passions. Figure out a way to do that. Practice saying no, or practice just pausing before you jump into fix. Start [00:06:00] there, ~right? ~Create some things of self-care that stabilize you regardless ~of, ~of their rollercoaster. You know, that's just it. When you do this work, I can't tell you that your child's roller coaster's gonna shift, but you can step off of it. In fact, I would encourage you to jump off of it. ~So really the truth is ~freedom is true peace. You need to protect your peace, and that true peace comes when your worth isn't hanging on someone else's approval, and in this case, your child. ~So ~when you're grounded in your own truth and ~your ~self-awareness, you can show up with love without losing yourself, which ultimately isn't that what you're all wanting? ~So ~I hope that helped you today. I will see you in the next episode. God bless.