So what do you do when your adult child says, if you keep dating him, we're done. You love your kids, you love this man, and you don't want to choose. But when the people you love most demand that you pick aside, it forces you to look at what peace really costs you and who are you trying to please. So today I have four points for you regarding this, which involve really around boundaries, faith, and peace. ~And ~so let's dive in. First of all, I want you to recognize the real pain behind the ultimatum, which is exactly what it is, and your kids' words are stinging because they come from people that you love the most, right? Your children. ~So ~if you're in a situation where you're divorced, you have a new man in your life, or maybe he's been around for a long time, might even be their dad. ~There's ~underneath all of that ultimatum is anger or [00:01:00] control, ~right? ~Which is all caused by fear. ~So ~many adult children fear being replaced, which I think is a lot of it. ~And ~the reason I'm doing this video is I've had a lot of requests for this and I hadn't done it. And then someone recently asked me to do it and I said yes, because it was ~Ben ~on my radar. And it was just another nudge to know that I needed to talk about this. ~I~ know this does not affect every single one of you. It affects a lot of you. And so, like I said, many adult children, ~they ~fear, ~uh, ~being replaced or maybe they're still carrying all these old wounds, ~right,~ which are not yours to necessarily fix, but it might help you understand why they're reacting the way that they do. It doesn't excuse it, but it helps you respond with some grace instead of guilt. ~But ~at the end of the day, we have to acknowledge that this also is a control piece. You can acknowledge, you know, their emotions, their pain, all of that without giving up your own peace, which is what typically happens. Number two is stop trying to [00:02:00] prove your heart for them. Stop trying to prove yourself ~right?~ You do not have to keep explaining ~or ~defending or convincing anyone that you deserve happiness, ~and ~that's what a lot of moms do because we have spent all these years raising our kids. It's all about being a mom and maybe you are divorced or maybe this is their dad. Maybe this is someone that they don't want in your life because they think he shouldn't be there regardless ~of the reason ~of why they're saying this. You do deserve happiness ~and ~God sees your intentions in that, but you are allowed to have relationships and still love your kids. ~These are, ~we're not talking young children. We're talking about grown men and women who many of them have their own families. ~So,~ but when you live from peace instead of pressure from anyone, people in your life will start to see some consistency and not conflict. And I think that's where this really comes in, is they need to respect you. They need to [00:03:00] respect. And one thing I can just say right now is if you completely give into whatever your kids want on any level, they're gonna be like, ah, this is how it works. This works. ~This worked. ~I know that she's gonna give into anything else I say because all I have to do is full of pressure on her and she's going to, you know, come my direction. So if you're standing in this hard place and you're torn between your family and your own peace, you don't have to carry that alone. I do offer discovery calls for moms who are navigating estranged or difficult relationships with their adult kids. It's not a coaching session. But it's a safe place for you and I to chat and I can learn more about the situation, and more importantly, I need to know how it's affecting you because you need to find this clarity and confidence no matter what they decide. ~So ~if you think that might help you, you can find the link for that in the show notes. Number three is I want you to check the fruit of the relationship before you make [00:04:00] any decision out of guilt. Ask yourself. Is this relationship producing peace or confusion? Is this guy in your life, this boyfriend or whoever this is, is he helping you grow closer in your faith? Is he really good for you? Do your kids have a point, right? Try to ~take a, ~take an honest look at where they're coming from. Maybe they are coming from a place of truth and peace and you're not seeing it or. Maybe they're just trying to control you,~ right? ~Depends on the situation. So, but does this man honor you? Does he respect your boundaries? Does he support your healing of your children? Does he support the healing of your family? And if he does, then don't let that fear or pressure make you throw away what? God may have a huge blessing for you in that relationship. And at the end of the day, it could help you and your children grow closer in the long run. You may not see it that way right now. They may just have a change of heart and have a renew respect for you as well. And lastly, number [00:05:00] four, choose that peace over pressure. Always, you know, you can love them deeply. You love your kids and you can still refuse to live under their control because let's face it, they don't get to control you and you don't get to control them. So choosing peace isn't choosing him over them. It's choosing truth over turmoil in your own life. God can work in their hearts. When you stop trying to manage everything, have your relationship with your kids, and for a lot of you it is separating you. Like ~I can. ~I can go see my kids and grandkids, but he's not welcome. I know a lot of you are dealing with that, and you're gonna have to figure out what direction you wanna go. First of all, ~is he, ~is he the person for you? And if he is, then you need to make that work. And whatever that looks like, your kids may have a change of heart down the road, but don't give up something for yourself. Just because they are trying to control you, if that's the case, but the right people, even your kids will eventually see that peace works, right? [00:06:00] It makes a difference. It makes a difference in their life and it makes a difference in yours and hopefully, ultimately in the relationship with them. ~And so ~I hope that helped and I'll see you in the next episode. God bless.