You know, I hear this more often than you'd believe. Moms that will say, "I just don't understand why my child cut me off. I gave them everything." But here's what I've learned after hundreds of conversations and coaching sessions with moms and at times their adult children. Arangement is rarely about one big moment. It's about these hundred of little moments that went unseen, unheard, and in many cases misunderstood. So when I coach moms, they often share painful things that their children have said to them. The kind of words that like feel like a dagger in your chest, but I look at those words as gifts because basically they're little golden nuggets of truth. And if you let them, they can become that wisdom that actually is going to heal your heart and can heal your relationship. So I have four points for you today. Let's dive right in. Number one is around I wish my mom knew I wasn't rejecting her. You may think really Sally, I feel completely rejected. Some of your kids are protecting themselves because they don't have the tools or the maturity to say, "Mom, I'm overwhelmed. I need some space to figure out who I am without feeling responsible for your feelings." For those of you that were at the retreat, you know that we talked about the fact that my daughter used to tell me I was needy. I did not see that until she told me that. And even then, it took me a while to actually acknowledge it and accept it and believe it because it was truth. Again, it's not something you want to hear, but sometimes it's the nuggets that we need. And so what kids do, they tend to disconnect. Why are they disconnecting? Like I said, many of them don't have the tools. They don't have the maturity to actually talk it through. So, it's easier to put us on the shelf. For you as a mom, that silence feels like punishment. 100% feels like punishment. But for the child, in some cases, it can feel like safety. And this is one of the hardest truths that I share with moms. And yet sometimes when they sit with it, something shifts. When you can start realizing that these golden nuggets, these gifts, maybe this isn't the end of our story. Maybe my child isn't rejecting me completely. They're protecting themselves. That's the way they see it. They see it as self-p protection, self-preservation. Maybe somebody's been telling them that they need to do that. Maybe not. But that again is this golden nugget, a truth that reframes the pain that you're feeling and trying to understand where they're coming from. Again, that's not all cases, but many. Number two is, I wish my mom knew every conversation felt like a test. I'm going to repeat that again. I wish my mom knew every conversation felt like a test. I work with a lot of moms who are still trying to control their adult children's decisions. Many of those kids carry this quiet fear that every conversation they have with mom is going to turn into a correction. It's going to turn into advice or it's going to turn into guilt. And they're craving a connection with you. They don't want you as their coach. They want to be seen as adults, not a project for you to fix. When I coach moms, I often hear their children's words through the mom in most cases. And some kids will say, you know, I never felt like I could just talk. She's always trying to fix me. And that's painful to hear. But I have to think, like myself, the way that I we used to parent, it's painful to hear the things that they don't like about us. It's painful to hear the pain that we may have caused. But you need to look at it as an opportunity because awareness is going to give you the power to actually change the pattern. You can sit there and be in denial or be the victim and say, "Well, that's ridiculous. I didn't do that. Maybe you didn't, but maybe you did." We need to be willing to open up and take a look in the mirror. And if this conversation is stirring something inside of you, if you're like, "Yep, this is me." Or maybe this is just halfway me. You'll get there. I do want to invite you to a discovery call with me when you are ready for taking a look at either individual coaching, group coaching, or you're looking for something knowing that you need help navigating this. Maybe you're not sure how to reach out to them without making things worse. Maybe you're exhausted or just want some clarity about what God is asking you to do next. These calls are for, like I said, the moms who are ready to stop guessing, ready to stop feeling powerless, and ready to start their healing journey. So, if that's you, I would welcome you to book that call. And the link to that is in the show notes below. Number three is, I wish my mom knew I still needed her. The thing is, our kids don't need us the way we used to be. This is the moment that most moms miss. This is the big idea that love shifts. It evolves based off of also like their age and they're they're planning their own families or maybe they have their own families. Your sons and daughters don't need you to manage their life. They don't need you to fix them and they don't need you to rescue them. Now, some of them are you're saying, "Oh, but they do." But maybe that's because that's what you've done for so long. They don't know how to function without you. But what they need is a calm, consistent presence. A calm, consistent presence. Someone who can listen without jumping into solve the whole problem, right? We can listen. We can be an adviser when they want advice. And other than that, we can just be a good listener. You know, one mom that I coached finally realized that her stepping back was the way of stepping back into her child's trust again. And that's exactly what happened. When I stepped back, that's when things started shifting. When I stepped back in my own situation, that's when I started healing. That's when my daughter started healing. That's when God brought us back together. We need to stop rescuing. We need to let the relationship actually breathe and have a new relationship based off of where we're at today, not who they were when they were a teenager. Maybe for some of you, your kids were, you know, maybe you sent them to a program like I did. Maybe they were struggling and you've just been in this fix it mode for so long. It's super common. But this is the time for you to take the beauty of these nuggets. They do teach you how to love them in a way that honors their growth and yours. We just have to listen. A lot of our kids don't deliver it in the most beautiful way. Sometimes it's disrespect and I'm not saying that's okay. But I do believe that most of the time our kids are trying to tell us something and they've been trying to tell us something for years. Lastly is I wish my mom knew that I do remember the good. Our kids need to heal. We need to heal. Arangement, no contact. It doesn't erase your love. Your child still thinks about you, right? Your kids. I'm hoping that you're still praying for your kids. Until their pain actually feels seen without you being defensive or shame, you know, they won't risk that closeness. Again, the hard part of this is you preparing your heart for this because right now some of you don't get the opportunity to show them the work you're doing. But for those of you that haven't done the work yet, that's where we start. And that's why the work that you're going to do isn't about necessarily chasing the reconciliation, although obviously we want that to be the end goal, but also it's about preparing you and healing your part of the story. And that is the only part we can control. And that is where your freedom is going to begin. So when I sit with moms and they share these are raw, painful, you know, quotes and verbiage our kids are telling us and it's so hard to hear. And these moms are saying, "I wish I could just unhear this. I don't want to remember that they told me these things." I remind them that this is a gift. This is a gift. This is a painful truth that could be the beginning of your healing journey. for yourself and for your family. And to me, that's worth it. If you're wanting to dive into that and you want to learn from your own story and you're tired of trying to figure it out alone, then go ahead and book that discovery call. I hope this helped. I'll see you in the next episode. God bless.