Have you been living in years of painful silence with your adult child and you're finally ready to try to take that first terrifying step towards reconnection? I know exactly how scary that feels, and there's a mix of hope and fear that is probably keeping you frozen. But today I wanna walk you through a faith-based four step framework that's helped hundreds of moms prepare their hearts, find peace and rebuild connection even after years apart. Because when God says it's time. You're gonna wanna be ready, so let's dive right in. Number one is get emotionally ready before you reach out. This step is usually the piece that moms forget and they don't work on themselves, and they react and they reach out before they're actually emotionally ready. Their mind says they're ready. Their heart says they're ready, but they're not. Before you send a text or write a [00:01:00] letter, I ~really, really, really ~want you to pause and pray because more than anything, your emotional readiness is going to matter way more than perfect timing. Why? Because even if they were to respond and agree to speak with you or have some communication and you have not made any shifts and you're not emotionally ready, and you're going to charge back in possibly. Maybe in, in some of the ways that they have been complaining about. Maybe you're giving advice, maybe you're not listening, ~maybe you're ~interrupting them or trying to fix everything. Or trying to control. ~Okay. ~Let's just say that's the case and if that's the case and you come in there, ~you, ~that is probably the third strike. You have to be really mindful of this, and this is what I love helping moms do ~is ~prepare themselves. For reconciliation, and like I said, when you reach out from desperation, fear or guilt, it often backfires. I see it a lot and because your energy towards them, towards the [00:02:00] situation, it's still full of pain. Maybe even it has created some resentment over time, but when you reach out from peace, it's so much more received. There's no pressure, and you can invite that safetyness in there. So I want you to ask God ~like.~ People will say, Sally, should I reach out? It's like, well, what is God telling you to do? And maybe you don't know God, maybe ~you don't know. ~You don't have that relationship, or you're not sure what he's saying. ~Yeah, ~there's some timelines. There's some things we can look at. How long has it been? What are the reasons they walked away? What are those golden nuggets that they gave you that feel like major pain points, but actually they're gifts. If you have peace and you've made some shifts. If peace literally settles in your heart and ~even ~even knowing that they may not reply, then it's probably okay to reach out. That could be your green light, but if not, if you're not okay with not getting a response, then I would say no. And quite honestly, if you are in that place of, [00:03:00] yeah, I have done some work and I do have peace, then ~what do you have to lose? ~What do you have to lose? So if it's been years and you've done the work, maybe this time, maybe you're not doing it for them, but you've done the work for yourself on yourself, which is amazing, and I know it's not easy, but so worth it. Silence can become another type of a prison if you never, ever try to take that faithful step. Some people are so afraid to reach out because their kids have said. I wanna pause. I don't wanna have a relationship with you. ~So I, and ~while I respect, ~you know, ~that time, a certain time period where you're not reaching out, you're not bothering 'em, that kind of thing. I don't disagree with that. But there does come a time where you do need to take a faithful step. And so, like I said, when you're, when you're motive, motive shifts from, you know, I need them to respond to, you know what, I'm gonna be okay. Even if they don't, that's when you know that you're healing. Two, understand what went wrong, [00:04:00] but I don't want you to drown in guilt. When you understand what went wrong without drowning in the guilt, then you know ~that ~that reconnection is not about rewriting the past or what happened or didn't happen. It's about understanding it with truth and compassion for one another. So many moms carry guilt that was never, ~ever, ever ~theirs to hold, and as humans, we do it all the time. Your child's distance may come from pain, it may come from misunderstanding ~or, and, ~or influences, right? We all have those influences if we allow them in. The influence is beyond your control, and I know that's hard to accept as a mom, but it's it's truth. You can own your own part without owning all the blame because an unhealed adult child is going to throw it all at you and wants you to own all of it. And this is where you have to own your part, but it doesn't mean ~you, ~you own the whole situation, right? You can say, you know, I wish I'd done some [00:05:00] things differently. You don't say, it's all my fault, it's all my fault. It was all me. Even if that's what they wanted to hear in the moment. And it solves a, ~uh, ~period of uncomfortableness in a conversation with them. It is not gonna help you move forward in your relationship. So understanding their perspective doesn't mean you have to agree with it. It means you're strong enough to hold some space for both truths, their pain and your growth, and hopefully their growth too, ~right? Eventually. ~But that humility, not guilt, can become the bridge that God can use to begin this healing, humble and kind. Isn't there a song called ~that ~humble and kind? It's not hard. It's not hard, you guys, and this is exactly what we all need to do. And if you're listening right now and you're thinking, I wanna heal, I want peace, but I don't even know where to start. ~Then ~this is exactly where I can help you. ~So ~I do offer a discovery call. It is not a coaching call. Please note that it is a call for moms like you who are listening to this and you're saying, I'm raising my hand because I don't know what to do [00:06:00] next, and I need community and I need guidance. And so if you're walking on eggshells, feeling disconnected from your own lives ~and ~it's time, like I said. To book that discovery call. Be honored to speak with you and then ~I, ~we can talk together and figure out together what might be best next step for you. So just remember, you don't have to do this alone, and your healing's gonna start with one brave step. It always takes the first step, right? Number three is crafting your message. Crafting your message to your adult child the first time, the right way. Again, there is not a cookie cutter approach for this, and if anyone says there is, I don't believe they're telling ~you ~the truth because each of your situations are different. The dynamics of ~how, you know ~what your child has said, what those golden nuggets are, what are those gifts that they gave you that said, you know what? I felt like every time I talked to you, it was a test. You interrupted me. You never listened to me. ~You know, ~all of these kinds of things. ~We have, we have to play a part. ~You know, this plays a part in ~our, ~the way we reach out. But at the end of the day, this first message is very simple. It's not recreating all of that [00:07:00] kind of stuff, but when you keep it short, loving, very non-defensive, no pressure, ~you know, ~it can be as simple as a text. It says, ~you know, ~I've been thinking about you and I pray you're doing well. There's no pressure to respond. I just want you to know you're loved. Sometimes ~as simple as ~something like that can open the door. Which is exactly what some of them are waiting for. ~And ~maybe they're afraid to reach out to you just as much as you're afraid to reach out to them. Or you could say something like, for a child who's asked you, they needed some space, you know, I respect the space you've needed. I just wanna reach out and say that I love you, and I'll always be open when you're ready. That's it. Super simple. And if someone is gonna be upset over ~a kind, ~gestures like that. You're not over explaining. You're not justifying, you're not reopening every wound. You're just saying, hello, I'm here when you're ready. If someone gets upset about that, then that just speaks more about what's going on inside of them. And just remember, you're planting a seed. You're not ~like ~rebuilding the whole [00:08:00] relationship in one message and then just let it breathe. Don't chase the outcome. Don't chase it, right? You're planting the seed. Let God water it. Lastly, number four is I want you to handle their response with grace because it might be a lack of response and you have to be ready for that, like I mentioned, because after you reach out, the hardest part begins here you are wondering, have they responded yet? It's the waiting. It's the messy middle. ~It's the waiting and ~it's hard, but you just have to surrender that ~and, ~and in the right timing it's gonna happen because let's be honest, there's three ways that this could go. They could respond warmly. Fantastic. Then take it slow. Don't rush through it, right? Maybe you're gonna meet up. They could respond negatively, so then you just stay calm. Don't match their energy. Thank them for their honesty. Just stay kind. Or number three, they don't respond at all, and that's okay. You did your part. ~Then ~if it's silence [00:09:00] again, ~then ~just let your peace stay intact for now. You're obeying the prompting. The outcome is his, and we know that he only wants good for our families. He wants reconnection. Reconnection is a journey. It's not one moment in time. It takes time, but it's starting with the obedience and patience and grace that you're gonna be offering yourself and then them. ~And ~no matter what happens in that moment,~ in that first re, ~that first message, your healing doesn't depend on their reply or lack thereof because God's not done writing your story. And frankly, he's not done writing theirs either. ~And I think ~as moms, we forget that sometimes this whole journey that you are on with your son or daughter, ~this ~is a testimony for you as a mom and it's also your sons or daughters testimony. This is going to, you know, drive them into the ~next, ~next part of their life, ~um, and, ~and allow them to do wonderful things with it. So look at it that way. ~Like, you know what? ~You can't write their testimony. I can't write their testimony. [00:10:00] Only God can do that. ~So ~I hope this helped. I will see you in the next episode. God bless.